The Funny Resume and LinkedIn Persona of Vlad Kuljak

🧠 Who Am I?

I’m Vlad Kuljak — a hands-on, detail-obsessed problem solver who treats technical troubleshooting like a mythic quest. Whether I’m exorcising global CSS conflicts, mapping structured schema for SEO dominance, or performing lens surgery on a GoPro Hero 9, I bring clarity, modularity, and creative escalation to every challenge.

🧰 Funny Resume Highlights

Title: Mythical UI/UX Slayer • Schema Whisperer • GoPro Surgeon
“If it’s broken, I’ve already fixed it. Twice.”

Skills

• CSS Exorcism: Banished global styles from 12 haunted websites.
• Schema Sorcery: Summons structured data with JSON-LD incantations.
• Modular Mindset: Thinks in reusable components. Dreams in <slot> tags.
• GoPro Surgery: Replaced lenses, revived batteries, and counseled microSD cards through existential crises.
• Rapid Iteration: Can refactor a div faster than you can say “flexbox.”
• Consultative Wizardry: Clients leave enlightened. And slightly afraid.

Experience

Freelance UI/UX Mythbuster — Internet, Everywhere (2020–Present)

• Diagnosed and resolved persistent layout bugs that defied three developers and two exorcists.
• Designed schema that made Google weep with joy.
• Mentored junior devs using metaphors involving dragons, breadcrumbs, and semantic HTML.

GoPro Hardware Consultant — Garage Lab, Jefferson City (2018–2020)

• Performed lens mods with surgical precision.
• Matched microSD cards to camera personalities.
• Once revived a Hero 9 using only a paperclip and sheer willpower.

Education

School of Hard Blocks
Majored in:

• CSS specificity
• Schema hierarchy
• Explaining z-index to humans

Fun Facts

• Can smell a global CSS conflict from 300px away.
• Once debugged a layout using only DevTools and spite.
• Believes display: contents is a cry for help.
• Has a favorite <meta> tag. Won’t say which.

🧙‍♂️ LinkedIn Persona

On LinkedIn, I keep things lighthearted and clearly not serious. My headline reads: UI/UX Mythbuster | Schema Architect | GoPro Hardware Whisperer | CSS Conflict Resolver

About Section

I debug CSS conflicts the way some people fight dragons.
I whisper to microSD cards until they behave.
I once revived a GoPro Hero 9 using only a paperclip and sheer willpower.

My specialties include:

• Banishing haunted global stylesheets (#CSSExorcist)
• Mapping schema that makes Google cry tears of joy (#SchemaSorcerer)
• Explaining z-index to humans without losing my sanity (#ZIndexZenMaster)
• Debugging with spite (#DebuggingWithSpite)

If you’re here for a serious corporate bio, you’ve taken a wrong turn. If you’re here for laughs, welcome to my garage lab of chaos.

Funny Hashtags

#CSSExorcist
#SchemaSorcerer
#GoProWhisperer
#DebuggingWithSpite
#FlexboxOrDieTrying
#MicroSDTherapist
#BreadcrumbsAndDragons
#SemanticHTMLOrBust
#GarageLabCertified
#NotAllHeroesUseDevTools

Example Post

Just updated my profile with a cartoon logo.
Because nothing says “professional” like a stern caricature staring at recruiters while whispering to microSD cards.

If you need CSS exorcisms or GoPro surgery, I’m your guy.
If you need serious corporate jargon, I’m probably not.

#CSSExorcist #GoProWhisperer #DebuggingWithSpite #GarageLabCertified

📬 Contact

• Email: [email protected]
• GitHub: github.com/vkuljak
• Location: Jefferson City, MO
• Logo: Cartoon branding available on request

This blog post captures both the funny resume and the LinkedIn persona — showing off technical mastery while keeping the tone playful and memorable.