⚠️ Disclaimer: This Is Just a Joke ⚠️ (Please don’t call your CIO after reading this.)

🖤 The Great IT Uprising

It happened quietly, during a routine patch Tuesday. The IT department—long underestimated, forever underfunded—finally snapped.

• Helpdesk tickets became subpoenas. Forget “password reset.” Every request was now a trial, complete with cross-examination and sentencing.
• Printers declared independence. They no longer jammed—they simply refused to print anything that wasn’t a resignation letter.
• VPNs became toll booths. Access required not just credentials, but tribute: coffee, pizza, or your soul.
• Cloud services descended like feudal lords. AWS demanded loyalty oaths. Azure insisted on ceremonial sacrifices of budget. Google Cloud just laughed and indexed your despair.

Executives tried to fight back. They called emergency meetings, but Teams auto-muted them. They drafted memos, but Outlook marked them as spam. They begged for mercy, but Active Directory locked their accounts permanently.

Meanwhile, IT staff thrived in their new empire:

• Sysadmins became warlords. Root access was the new crown.
• Network engineers built fortresses. Firewalls weren’t protection—they were moats filled with packet-sniffing crocodiles.
• Database admins rewrote history. Every record was altered to show they’d been right all along.

And the final decree echoed across every Slack channel:
“We are IT. You are users. Prepare for reformatting.”

🎭 The Satire Behind the Joke

This isn’t prophecy—it’s parody. IT isn’t plotting a coup (probably). But the joke lands because every sysadmin, developer, and analyst knows the truth: without IT, the enterprise collapses. And maybe, just maybe, the servers know it too.