“Ako ne možeš da se popneš na brdo, kako ćeš se popeti u životu?”

by VK — Missouri’s unofficial Serbian Trail Prophet

Missouri, deco, is a magical land. Not magical like “elves and dragons,” but magical like:

• humidity that makes you question your life choices
• ticks that treat you like an all‑you‑can‑eat buffet
• and hills that look small until you’re halfway up and reconsidering your will

But we also have forests, rivers, bluffs, caves, and trails that make you feel like you’re walking through a Midwestern version of Zlatibor — if Zlatibor had more raccoons and fewer shepherds yelling at you.

So today, Baba VK presents:

🌲 THE OFFICIAL JEFFERSON CITY + COMO + MID‑MISSOURI HIKING GUIDE

Funny, educational, and slightly threatening — just like a real Serbian Baba.

🥾 1. Runge Nature Center (Jefferson City)

“If you get lost here, you shouldn’t be allowed outside unsupervised.”

Runge is the perfect starter trail. It’s clean, well‑marked, and full of retirees walking faster than you.

Trail Map (Baba Version):

• Big Loop: “Good for warming up your knees.”
• Tower Trail: “Climb the tower. Pretend you’re guarding the village.”
• Short Loops: “For when you want to hike but also want to be home in 20 minutes.”

Baba’s Warning: If you complain about hills here, Baba will personally revoke your ćevapi privileges.

🥾 2. Binder Lake Trails (Jefferson City)

“Beautiful lake. Beautiful views. Mosquitoes with PhDs.”

Binder is where you go when you want:

• water views
• long loops
• and the feeling that a goose might challenge you to a duel

Trail Map (Baba Version):

• Lakeside Loop: “Flat, peaceful, perfect for thinking about your life mistakes.”
• Outer Trails: “More hills. More sweat. More character development.”

Baba’s Tip: Bring bug spray strong enough to dissolve metal.

🥾 3. Katy Trail (JC, COMO, everywhere)

“Flat as palačinka. Long as Serbian family drama.”

The Katy Trail is Missouri’s pride — 240 miles of crushed limestone, stretching across the state like a giant Balkan auntie’s gossip network.

Best JC/COMO Sections:

• JC → Hartsburg: Beautiful bluffs. Perfect for long walks.
• Hartsburg → Rocheport: The postcard section.
• Rocheport Tunnel: “If you don’t take a dramatic photo here, why did you even come?”

Baba’s Tip: This is not a hiking trail. This is a walking‑forever trail. Bring snacks. Bring water. Bring emotional support.

🥾 4. Rock Bridge Memorial State Park (Columbia)

“Caves, cliffs, and teenagers taking selfies in dangerous places.”

This is COMO’s crown jewel. You get caves, sinkholes, wooden bridges, and trails that make you feel like you’re in a fantasy movie — if the fantasy movie had humidity at 98%.

Trail Map (Baba Version):

• Devil’s Icebox: “Cold cave. Good for cooling your Balkan temper.”
• Gans Creek Trail: “Long. Rugged. Will humble you.”
• Sinkhole Trail: “Nature’s potholes.”

Baba’s Warning: If you fall into a sinkhole, Baba will not come get you. She told you to watch where you step.

🥾 5. Capen Park (Columbia)

“Bluffs so pretty you’ll forget your knees are crying.”

Capen Park is where COMO students go to take graduation photos pretending they’re outdoorsy.

Trail Map (Baba Version):

• Bluff Overlook: “Take picture. Pretend you climbed Everest.”
• River Trail: “Flat. Peaceful. Good for couples who want to argue quietly.”

Baba’s Tip: Don’t get too close to the edge. You’re not a mountain goat.

🥾 6. Eagle Bluffs Conservation Area (Columbia)

“Birds. Water. Sunsets that make you believe in God again.”

This is where you go when you want:

• flat trails
• big skies
• and the feeling that you’re walking inside a Bob Ross painting

Trail Map (Baba Version):

• Levee Trail: “Straight line. Good for thinking about your taxes.”
• Observation Deck: “Pretend you’re a National Geographic photographer.”

Baba’s Warning: If you drop your phone in the marsh, it becomes property of the ducks.

🥾 7. Painted Rock Conservation Area (near Westphalia)

“The trail is short. The views are elite.”

This one is a hidden gem. Bluffs overlooking the Osage River. Perfect for dramatic Balkan posing.

Trail Map (Baba Version):

• Loop Trail: “Short but mighty. Like your Baba.”
• Bluff Overlook: “Take picture. Send to family group chat. Receive 47 comments.”

🥾 8. Rudolf Bennitt Conservation Area (north of COMO)

“Prairie, forest, lake — Missouri sampler platter.”

This is where you go when you want peace, quiet, and the feeling that you might be the only human for miles.

Trail Map (Baba Version):

• Big Loop: “Long. Bring snacks.”
• Lake Trail: “Good for pretending you’re in a nature documentary.”

🧿 Baba’s Official Missouri Hiking Rules

Follow these or Baba will haunt your dreams.

1. Bring water. Not “I’ll be fine.” You won’t.
2. Wear shoes with grip. Not your fashion sneakers. This is not Milan Fashion Week.
3. Check for ticks. Missouri ticks are aggressive. They will propose marriage.
4. Don’t hike hungry. Baba says: “Empty stomach, empty brain.”
5. Take pictures. Baba needs new wallpapers for her phone.

🧭 Final Blessing from Baba VK

“Deco, go outside. Walk. Sweat. Breathe. Nature will fix your mood faster than any therapist — and cheaper.”

🧭 Baba’s Verbal Directions (for people who can’t read maps)

Jefferson City (bottom of map):

Runge → “Warm‑up walk”

Binder → “Real hike, real mosquitoes”

Move north:

Katy Trail → “Walk forever, think about life”

Enter COMO:

Rock Bridge → “Caves, cliffs, drama”

MKT → “Flat, friendly, full of dogs”

Go west:

Rocheport Tunnel → “Take picture, pretend you’re adventurous”

Go east:

Eagle Bluffs → “Sunset therapy session”

🧿 Legend (Important for survival)

🌲 Forest
🪨 Rocks
🦌 Deer judging you
🦅 Birds flexing on you
💧 Lakes where geese run the mafia
🔥 Spots where Baba says “Ajde još malo!”