🧠 Who Am I?
I’m Vlad Kuljak — a hands-on, detail-obsessed problem solver who treats technical troubleshooting like a mythic quest. Whether I’m exorcising global CSS conflicts, mapping structured schema for SEO dominance, or performing lens surgery on a GoPro Hero 9, I bring clarity, modularity, and creative escalation to every challenge.
🧰 Funny Resume Highlights
Title: Mythical UI/UX Slayer • Schema Whisperer • GoPro Surgeon
“If it’s broken, I’ve already fixed it. Twice.”
Skills
- CSS Exorcism: Banished global styles from 12 haunted websites.
- Schema Sorcery: Summons structured data with JSON-LD incantations.
- Modular Mindset: Thinks in reusable components. Dreams in
<slot>tags. - GoPro Surgery: Replaced lenses, revived batteries, and counseled microSD cards through existential crises.
- Rapid Iteration: Can refactor a div faster than you can say “flexbox.”
- Consultative Wizardry: Clients leave enlightened. And slightly afraid.
Experience
Freelance UI/UX Mythbuster — Internet, Everywhere (2020–Present)
- Diagnosed and resolved persistent layout bugs that defied three developers and two exorcists.
- Designed schema that made Google weep with joy.
- Mentored junior devs using metaphors involving dragons, breadcrumbs, and semantic HTML.
GoPro Hardware Consultant — Garage Lab, Jefferson City (2018–2020)
- Performed lens mods with surgical precision.
- Matched microSD cards to camera personalities.
- Once revived a Hero 9 using only a paperclip and sheer willpower.
Education
School of Hard Blocks
Majored in:
- CSS specificity
- Schema hierarchy
- Explaining
z-indexto humans
Fun Facts
- Can smell a global CSS conflict from 300px away.
- Once debugged a layout using only DevTools and spite.
- Believes
display: contentsis a cry for help. - Has a favorite
<meta>tag. Won’t say which.
🧙♂️ LinkedIn Persona
On LinkedIn, I keep things lighthearted and clearly not serious. My headline reads: UI/UX Mythbuster | Schema Architect | GoPro Hardware Whisperer | CSS Conflict Resolver
About Section
I debug CSS conflicts the way some people fight dragons.
I whisper to microSD cards until they behave.
I once revived a GoPro Hero 9 using only a paperclip and sheer willpower.My specialties include:
- Banishing haunted global stylesheets (#CSSExorcist)
- Mapping schema that makes Google cry tears of joy (#SchemaSorcerer)
- Explaining
z-indexto humans without losing my sanity (#ZIndexZenMaster)- Debugging with spite (#DebuggingWithSpite)
If you’re here for a serious corporate bio, you’ve taken a wrong turn. If you’re here for laughs, welcome to my garage lab of chaos.
Funny Hashtags
#CSSExorcist
#SchemaSorcerer
#GoProWhisperer
#DebuggingWithSpite
#FlexboxOrDieTrying
#MicroSDTherapist
#BreadcrumbsAndDragons
#SemanticHTMLOrBust
#GarageLabCertified
#NotAllHeroesUseDevTools
Example Post
Just updated my profile with a cartoon logo.
Because nothing says “professional” like a stern caricature staring at recruiters while whispering to microSD cards.If you need CSS exorcisms or GoPro surgery, I’m your guy.
If you need serious corporate jargon, I’m probably not.#CSSExorcist #GoProWhisperer #DebuggingWithSpite #GarageLabCertified
📬 Contact
- Email: [email protected]
- GitHub: github.com/vkuljak
- Location: Jefferson City, MO
- Logo: Cartoon branding available on request
This blog post captures both the funny resume and the LinkedIn persona — showing off technical mastery while keeping the tone playful and memorable.
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